(Hello, Nickelodeon headquarters)

Hi, sorry to disturb you this late in the night

I have a serious inquiry directed toward Nickelodeon

My question is :

WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?

You know y'all used to have some fire b*****s

When I turn on the TV I'm trying to see my favorite b*****s

Zoey101?

Jennette McCurdy?

Oh my God

And now all you got is these preteens

Bruh, I'm not a pedo

I'm not trying to look at these little kids and get aroused

Now I can't watch Nickelodeon with my **** in my hand anymore

Now I'm f****ng upset

This is some f****ng bulls*it

Dan Schneider

Bring all my b*****s back

I need all my b*****s, I need all my b*****s

The new s*it you put out is wack

Dan Schneider

I'm just trying to get an erection

But now that these kids looking 13 and under

My ***** will suffer

Dan f****ng Schneider (Schneider !)

This ain't a f****ng game, *****

I wanna watch a sitcom

With my hand on my ****

I wanna see a titty

Not f****ng kid s*it

Return all the hot chicks

Or you gon get it *****

iCarly, iCarly

I don't care if you look like Michael Jackson

As long as you giving me action

And Freddy gon' film the reaction

Sam gonna join in

And suck me a fat one

Nickelodeon girls

Can't live without 'em

Whew !

Ariana Grande

I know I drive a Hyundai

I can put you in a coma

Have brunch on a Sunday (fancy)

My **** put you in a coffin

All night screaming and tossing

Victoria Justice

I know you tryna touch this

Lizzie McGuire is tight

But I bet Zoey's tighter

You can find me in her bed

Digging through that vaginer

Amanda Bynes, you a little bit crazy

But you can still have my babies

Whew !

Go down like a dog with the rabies

Y'all can't save me

Uh, a little bit of ****, hard liquor for the ladies

Got me feeling like a young Dan Schneider from the 80's

With a Jewish law firm and an all black Mercedes

She playing with the b***s like Brady (ay)

**** off with the s*itty little kids with their stupid s*it

I only wanna see the ones with a body fit

And I don't want to be the one to be a little ***** about it

But I'm just saying what everybody is thinking

Where the t*****s at?

Dan Schneider why you ruining your business?

You realize I'd probably buy cable if you keep all the girls

And the ratings all stable

Cuz I ain't tryin to see a young baby in the cradle

Cuz I'm not a pedophile

I'm not trying to see that s*it (c'mon man)

The girls I have ***ualized are all in their 20's and 30's

(Disclaimer!)

I'm not saying you should change all the b*****s

But at least something after 10:30 (30!)

Dan Schneider

Bring all my b*****s back

I need all my b*****s

I need all my b*****s

I need all my b*****s back

I love you Dan Schneider, just please bring them back