Eminem---The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like ya never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorce, throwin?her over furniture (Ahh!)

It's the return of the...

"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

he just didn't say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said...

Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!

(Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

"{*Eminem's vocal turntable*} Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals"

Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote

Women wave your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records

Well I do so "Fuck him and fuck you too!"

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears

Shit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear them argue over who she gave head to first

You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"

I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world

how you gave Eminem VD

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups

All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to cuz I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at all

I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it

I just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out there

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums

It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerkin?but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings

Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up