I'll tell you a story,

believe me it's true

A tale you'd best hope

never happens to you

old spicy mcHaggis

How he met his fate

you I can save,but

for him it's too late!

Spicy was big,

burly and strong

his pipes were gigantic

And so was his s*****g

from city to city

running around

always looking for chicks

over four hundred pounds!

One night at the pub

a girl caught his eye

big as a house

Just the right size

the broad was enormous

Stacked to the hilt

spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt

The piper delivered his best pick-up line

thought to himself

"This beast is all mine"

the portly young lady could stand for no more

Grabbed his cojones and went for the door

They got to her house

and dimmed all the lights

Spicy was in for one hell of a night

he said that he loved her,

He'd always be true "

But

Mr. Mchaggis,

I've only just met you!!"

By now he saw double

through his drunken eyes

Neither had looks or appropriate size

he came to his sense

Thought to himself

"At this time of night I won't find nothing else"

he took off his shirt

She lifted her skirt,

they pulled out his unit

and stared to play

she asked for a glove

He gave her a shove

had baby McHaggis nine months to-the-day

Spicy!

Spicy!

Spicy!

Spicy!

Spicy!

Spicy!

Spicy!

Spicy!

One night at the pub

a girl caught his eye

big as a house

Just the right size

the broad was enormous

Stacked to the hilt

spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt

The piper delivered his best pick-up line

thought to himself

"This beast is all mine"

the portly young lady could stand for no more

Grabbed his cojones and went for the door

Three packs a day

he'll smoke 'til he dies

Spicy McHaggis

one hell of a guy!

I don't know what you all are talking about...and who drank all my beer!?