The Talkin Song Repair Blues - Alan Jackson

n-He shook his head and said: This ain t good;

Your timin belt s done shrunk one size too small;

And those spark plug wires are a little too long,

And your main prodsponder s nearly gone;

Your injector ports are stripped, and that ain t all...

...Your torque converter s runnin low on torque,

And that water pump s nearly down a quart;

We caught it all in time, so you re in luck.

He said, I ve got the time, and I ve got the parts,

Just give me the word, and I m ready to start;

I think we can bring her in for-uh, eight-hundred bucks.

But don t be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny;

It won t take too long, it ll just take money.

Then he said, Aren t you that songwriter guy?

n-I said, Yes I am.

He said, So am I.

He set down and played me a song by the grease rack;

When he finished singin he gave me a smile,

And I closed my eyes and pondered a while;

n-he said, What do you think?

Now don t hold nothin back.

Well I gave him my most sorrowful look,

And I said, This song s got a broken hook;

n-I can order you a new one from Nashville, but it won t be cheap;

And I know you ve been using a cut-rate thesaurus,

Cause your adverbs have backed up into your chorus,

Now your verse is runnin on verbs that are way too weak.

But don t be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny;

It won t take too long, it ll just take money.

n-I said, Hold on friend,

Now I m not through;

I hate to be the one, to give you this news,

But your whole melodic structure s done worked itself loose;

It s got so many dotted eighth notes in it,

I d keep her under fifty beats per minute;

I mean, that s just me talkin , it s really up to you...

... n you ve got a bad safety problem,

With that dominant chord, with the augmented fifth,

Just see how dangerously high it raises you up;

So just go on over and work on my car,

And I ll sit here by the fan, and chances are,

I can straighten this thing out for eight-...uh, nine-hundred bucks.

But don t be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny;

It won t take too long...

You guessed it...

It may be a hit...

I like it!